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Master Looter  Posts: 2596 Joined: 29 Jul 2009     | |
Power Leveler  Posts: 3622 Joined: 3 Jun 2008     | While everyone was bickering over who to whore out, Rag went over by a tree, and Lazor slipped away to make a call.... *ring ring ring* "i need you to come to the graveyard im at. there will be something in it for you" "ahh...i see...i be dar in tin, mok sur you have ze stuf." Lazor walked over to everyone else, and made a flashbang type kinda thing, and silenced everyone. "i say we wait for further plot development." toaster |
Master Looter  Posts: 2594 Joined: 19 Jan 2009   | "Woooow. Guess I should of been a wee bit more specific when I asked for an adventure..." Ram muttered, trying to un-remember the various graphic scenes. Orgazmo froze, his mouth almost hitting the ground (and I'm sure it could, lord knows what has had to fit in there*...). "What do you mean, just sex? It's SEX!" ".....Okay, weird story aside, you need to GET SOME! And by get some, I mean have sex. And by sex, I mean bending a girl over and-" |
Master Looter  Posts: 1148 Joined: 6 Jun 2009     | The graveyard, now seemingly afraid of our heroes, simply led them to an old small silver mine, that led to the valley of Happy Cows. As our heroes entered the mine, they all prepared for a possible trap, swords thrawn, guns loaded, fists up, etc. They were slightly surprised however when they reached the back door entrance to the mine, right over the sunny valley of the Land of Happy Cows. They watched as 5 of the happy cows did a balley rehreasal. "Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Cows!" They sang, doing their rehearshal. |
Adventurer  Posts: 479 Joined: 25 Jun 2009    | Grimm looked at him, "I dont know where i am..." He sighed.. |
Master Looter  Posts: 1225 Joined: 14 Jul 2009    | "Not to worry, fellows!" Death the Kid cried, leaping out from behind a bush. He jumped on to one cows' back and broke its neck, then pulled its head clean off and threw it at another cow, causing it to explode. |
Master Looter Posts: 1148 Joined: 6 Jun 2009 | "Please, anything beats school.Getting your ass ripped open by strong black men, fucking Jessica Alba, fiddling your stick...." Said Orgazmo, secretely trying to touch Alucards neatured lower area. |
Adventurer Posts: 479 Joined: 25 Jun 2009 | Grimm growled, "Fucking Tards'" |
Master Looter Posts: 1148 Joined: 6 Jun 2009 |
"Calm down!!! They day a perverted soul as I shall calm down is when I stop being the bastard son of Aphrodite, also knowned by her Roman name Venus!" Yelled Orgazmo, as he touched Alucards neautered area. Suddenly a group of cows with pitch forks and torches riding on extremely tired looking horses (probabley tired due to carrying cows on their backs) surrounded the group. |
Adventurer Posts: 479 Joined: 25 Jun 2009 | Grimm got that weird anime angry thing above his head and storm clouds formed above his head, "Your a fucking disgrace to Porn Stars everywhere"!!! He walked up and began to choke him and then proceeded to knee him in the groin, "And when i say calm down, YOU.. CALM... DOWN"!!! He randomly pulled out a pistol and shot Alucard in the head, "And you.. YOU LET HIM DO THIS"!!! |
Master Looter Posts: 1148 Joined: 6 Jun 2009 |
As he kicked Orgazmo in the groin, his kneee started to hurt. "Ha!!! Your bones are no match for my boner, which is usually as hard as a diamond!!!" Said Orgazmo, the mob surrounding him and his buddies closer. |
Master Looter  Posts: 1210 Joined: 10 Feb 2009   | Ragnorak tipped his hat back and cracked an eye open. He had been taking a nap, up until everyone started yelling. He sighed when he saw the cows with pitchforks and torches. He let his hat fall back on his face and fell back asleep. Fuck this. I don't care enough. Why do I feel threatened suddenly? A cow was pressing a pitchfork against his throat. "...really?" Ragnorak sighed, and pulled Wyrmbane off of his back, cutting the primitive implement in half and reversing the situation very quickly. Suddenly the cow had a sword at it's throat. "I've never used The Bane of Dragons for killing anything short of a griffin...why do I suspect this adventure will ruin that record?" He sighed again and slung Wyrmbane across his back again. Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear. Except a creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave; it is merely a loose misapplication of the word. |
Master Looter Posts: 1225 Joined: 14 Jul 2009 | "Gaaah! My arm!" Death screamed. All of a sudden, something heavy fell from the sky. |
Master Looter Posts: 1148 Joined: 6 Jun 2009 | "You dirty motherfucking men killed our sisters!!! You must suffer as they sufered!!!" Yelled the cow who used to have a picthfork at Rag's neck, who looked alot like some bovine girlfriend Ram had in the old Universe. Suddenly, the cows, like zords and the individual parts of Voltron fused together and became a 60 foot tall, hive minded cow robot, made of cows. They picked up Death the Kid and livingness the youth, and through them hard into a pasture. |
Power Leveler  Posts: 4606 Joined: 12 Feb 2009     | Suddenly three Reavers appeared over head. Each group was carrying a large box of Horses. "These is Reaver two-two-seven. Prepare to drop load of Meat-Eating Horses in 3....2...on-" Suddenly the boxes dropped into the fields and the Horses bursted it out. "Seriously Chuck? Seriously? You dropped the horses before 3. You know what forget it I mean there are some stupid locusts ou- Hey hey. Don't point that gun at my Reaver." Said Reaver Two-Two-Seven before his Reaver was shot. "Oh Fuck. Oh fuck. I'm falling. Oh god. This isn't gonna end we-*BOOM!*" BACK ON THE GROUND "Man eating Horses huh? No worries I'll take care of the-" "Orgazmo. They eat meat. You really wanna do what I think your doing?" Said Ram turning around to run. "Oh...Good point." Said Orgazmo. "RUN AWAY! THE COWS CAN DISTRACT THEM!" IN GREECE "Okay so your telling me that this machine will reverse the Earth's rotation and cause time to go backwards?" "Boom!" Said The Boomer holding up his newly invented machine. "Who showed you how to make this?" "Boom." "Gordon? I haen't even hired him yet. His Resume is still on the table....You read ahead in the script again didn't you?" "Booom." "Well Boomer. I am very disappointed in you. But I am super proud that you stole someone elses machine. Here you've been promoted to cleaning the Brumak stalls." Said Maddawg handing the Boomer a broom. The Boomer walked off with a huge smile on his face. Maddawg looked at his machine curiously and saw a big gree button. "Well,rule #27. Never leave a unpushed button unpushed." and with that he activated the machine and caused the world to go back 200 years." Back in the Meadow "I'M TOO GOOD LOOKING TO DIE!" Said Ram running for his life. Suddenly the Cows and Horses disappeared and they found themselves in a strange Amish looking town. "WTF?" Said Splazor looking around. "Wait? Strange amish town, carts being pulled by Horses, George Washington, and Madonna's sixteenth birthday? MY GOD! WERE IN THE PAST!" Yelled Death. |
Master Looter Posts: 1148 Joined: 6 Jun 2009 | "The Past ey? Sweet!!! I'll get to do some 18th century chicks!!!" Said Ram and Orgazmo at the same time. Back in Greece..... Suddenly, another button on the time machine activated that said:"Undo". Well, like I always say, never leave an unpushed button unpushed." He said. He pushed the button and time went back to where it was, mad cows and man eating horses and all. "God dammit!!!" Yelled Both Orgazmo and Ram. |
Master Looter  Posts: 2136 Joined: 25 Jun 2009  | Back in Greece... Another button was seen on the time machine, which said reverse undo. "Well, never leave a button unpushed..." The button was pushed, sending the group back in time again. "Welcome to our town!" said an Amish man, who walked up to the group of heroes "My name is..." The young boy pulled out his sword, and stabbed the man in the chest before he could finish his sentence. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?" said Ram "I was getting bored, and felt like killing something." answered the boy 'Besides, now we get to loot his body." "Hmm...well, I guess that makes sense." said Ram, as the boy began stuffing the dead man's things into Frohman bag "Say, I forgot to ask, what's your name?" "Oh, you can call me Dark Link." said the boy "That's a stupid name." said Ram "Shut up." said Dark Link "You haven't even lost your virginity. That's sad." |
Power Leveler Posts: 4606 Joined: 12 Feb 2009 |
"OOHH now the other one is unpushed" Said Maddawg pushing the other button. The world ,once again, went into a reverse spin and returned to it's 17th century outlook. "And now I'm bored with it." He said throwing it away. "Hey? Where's my HQ!" Said Maddawg realizing that his Greek fortress had dissappeared. "THERE'S THE MONSTER!" Said a series of angry villagers approaching Maddawg with torches and pichforks. Maddawg grabbed his Chainsaw staff and charged the villagers. |
Power Leveler Posts: 3622 Joined: 3 Jun 2008 | toaster |
Master Looter Posts: 2136 Joined: 25 Jun 2009 | Dark Link turned around and saw a Locust Warrior chopping villagers into pieces with his chainsaw staff. "You see, you should be more like that guy." said Dark Link to Ram "Look at him, he's badass! I'm willing to bet he lost his virginity ages ago." "Can you people just let go of the whole virginity thing?!" said Ram Dark Link walked up to the Locust Warrior as he mercilessly chainsawed a man in half. "Hello sir!" said Dark Link "Do you need help with killing those villagers?" "Well...I'm sure that they are going to start bringing out the guns pretty soon." said the Locust "And I'm not bullet proof, so sure, I'll take your help." "Excellent." said Dark Link "By the way, what is your name locust?" |
Power Leveler Posts: 4606 Joined: 12 Feb 2009 | |
Master Looter  Posts: 2248 Joined: 15 Apr 2009  | "Ah, the 18th century. My kind of time period. Plenty of humans I can just kill for guilty pleasure. Did you know I'm responsible for half the casualties of every single war since the year 1400?" Alucard said, shifting the blood that made up his pistols into flintlocks. "Can you do that with everything on your body?" Ram asked. "Well, I can turn my body into blood and shape-shift it. My body and weapons are made of all the same blood, as are my clothes. Which is why when my hat got blown away, it turned into blood and became blood-vapor." "Interesting, interesting." said Ram, of course not thinking it was interesting. "Did I hear something about villager killing? I'm in." Alucard said, smirking. "Come on, we're doing it right now." Dark Link said. |
Master Looter Posts: 1225 Joined: 14 Jul 2009 | "Murder, eh?" asked Death, powering up his new robot arm for the first time (in this story arc, anyway). |
Power Leveler Posts: 3622 Joined: 3 Jun 2008 | "i say...we all go get pounded on SOME TEA!!! WHO'S WITH ME!?!?!" "Laz0r...no more talking for you." Ram said. just then they heard a "sploosh" sound, and saw some indians throwing tea into the river. "WOOO TEA PARTAYY!!" then, they were all gunned down by...NAZI'S!!!!! toaster |
Master Looter Posts: 2136 Joined: 25 Jun 2009 | "What are Nazis doing in colonial America?" Dark Link asked Maddawg "How should I know?" said Maddawg "Maybe they traveled back in time like us?" Several nazis and an Officer walked up to Dark Link and Maddawg "Sind Sie ein Jude?" asked the Officer "What?" said Maddawg "Sind Sie ein Jude?" asked the Officer again "I don't speak German." said Maddawg "Antworte mir, oder wir schießen!" "Um, do you speak English?" "Das ist es, schießen die Wichser!" (TRANSLATION: That's it, shoot the fucker!) |
Master Looter Posts: 1148 Joined: 6 Jun 2009 | "Maddawg, look out!!!" Said Orgazmo. Quickly, he grew his hard wang to a size that it blocked the bullets that were about to hit Maddawg, and while the germans were reloading, used his wang to knock them into the harbor. Orazmo looked over and watched as the germans were getting eaten by MANDIBLES, Jaw's great ancestor, and said:"Jeez, fucking rude and starneg plot twists that occur whenever I try and make a plot, IT'S LIKE THE ORIGINAL AA ALL OVER AGAIN!!!" Said Orgazmo. |
Master Looter Posts: 1210 Joined: 10 Feb 2009 | Ragnorak sighed. Again. "Well, this is my original time period..." He shrugged and pulled Wyrmbane, killing a passing dragonfly. "OK, what was it that I had left undone when I left...?" He looked around and saw a dragon. A big one, one of the Elder Wyrms, the ones that had to be killed by a dragon-slaying weapon. It was pastel, meaning it was evil. And it was breathing in as it swooped in. "I HAVE FOUND YOU, THIEF!!! RETURN TO ME MY SWORD!!!" The dragon boomed, releasing a cloud of noxious vapors. "SHUT UP, DRACO!!! You lost this sword in a fair game of poker! Go away!" "YOU CHEATED, STINKY CHEATER FACE!!! GIMME IT BACK!!!" "Go back to sleep you putrescent lizard!" "GIVE ME BACK MY SWORD!!" "Alright. You want it that bad? HAVE IT!!" Ragnorak threw the falchion end over end, embedding it in the dragon's eye. The dragon shuddered and turned into a bunch of black butterflies that disappeared in various directions. Ragnorak caught Wyrmbane by the hilt as it fell. "Stupid dragon...Oh yeah, I never introduced myself, did I?" he said, turning to the ram. "I am Ragnorak Tres, Knight of the Order of the White Wing. I hunt evil dragons. This is my sword, Wyrmbane. Despite what he said, I did indeed win Wyrmbane off of him in a game of poker. He was just a sore loser." Rag smiled widely at the ram, who he decided to just call Ram until he learned another name for him. Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear. Except a creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave; it is merely a loose misapplication of the word. |
Power Leveler Posts: 4606 Joined: 12 Feb 2009 | The Germans quickly mowed down the land shark and aimed there guns at the Heroes and the Villans (Who for some reason left ancient Greece and were teleported to the 13 colonies.) "Mähen Sie sie unten!" Said the German Second in command. Suddenly a single snowflake came from the sky and the Germans gasped. Suddenly shots from the nearby river erupted. The voice of General Washinton was heard over the gun fire. "ALL HAIL AMERICA! THE ONLY PEOPLE DARING ENOUGH TO ATTACK ON CHRISTMAS!" "Make sure you get my good side Pualo!" Shouted Washington "Sir don't you think it would be better if we were to attack instead of posing for a painting?" said one of his soliders. "Bah. That's why we have privates corporal.They do the heavy lifting, we sit here and relax." "It is finished General." said Paulo turning the Painting around.
Suddenly a huge wave came up and washed the wet paint off of the Painting. "Damnit Paulo! Your Demoted to private! Get into the War Boats!" |
Master Looter Posts: 1148 Joined: 6 Jun 2009 |
Meanwhile.... at the Pub of Gods.... "So then I was like, na-ah, and she was like, ahuh then I was like, no way, then she was like, yes way... so then I decided to do what all gods of war do to mortals we get into pointless conversations about." Said Ares, talking to Lokki. "Let me guess, you put a fire cracker in her toilet and set them off with remote a detonator when she entered the bathroom?" Asked Lokki. "No." "Switched viagra for her boyfriends blood pressure medicine?" Asked Lokki. "No." "Pissed on her pillows right before she went to sleep?" "No, I did what uncle Posiedon did to medusa. I raped her, then watched as Athena, my least favorite sister, turned her into a Gorgon for no bloody particular reason." Said Ares, shining his spartan armor. Lokki merely looked at him and said: "Oh Ares, your no fun at all." Suddenly, in a flash of bright light, Dr.Manhatten appeared, and even quicker, Thor appeared right beside him and said: "I'd like to announce the inaugeration of the newest member of the pub of the gods, Dr.Manhanten!" "Huzzah!!!" Shouted all the other gods in he pub, throwing their headware, hair, and cloths into the air. |
Master Looter Posts: 2136 Joined: 25 Jun 2009 | Dark Link saw a group of nazi stormtroopers heading his way. "FROHMAN!" yelled Dark Link "Get over here with that bag now!" Frohman came over to where Dark Link was, who began searching through the bag for something to use. He stooped however, and turned to Frohman. "Seriously Frohman, what the hell?" "Um, what?" said Frohman "I asked you to put everything we need for an adventure in this bag." "I did. I put weapons and tools and stuff in it." "You forgot to bring food. And water." "So?" "HOW ARE WE SUPPOSE TO SURVIVE ON A THREE-WEEK ADVENTURE WITHOUT FOOD OR WATER?!" yelled Dark Link "Xandus was right, you are an idiot. Most of the things in here are completely useless." Dark Link reached into the bag and pulled out a chair. "Why the hell would I need a chair?" "I thought you might want to sit down and..." "Um, guys?" said Maddawg, fighting of a group of nazis "This really isn't the best time for discussing who brought what for an adventure!" |
Power Leveler  Posts: 4510 Joined: 3 Jun 2009 | "Uhhh... Where am I?" Sho asked the group FOIL |
Master Looter Posts: 2136 Joined: 25 Jun 2009 | Suddenly, Navi appeared above Dark Link. "Hey, listen!" said Navi "There's some nazis..." "YES, I KNOW THERE ARE FUCKING NAZIS!" yelled Dark Link, before swatting Navi away Dark Link took off his hat and began searching through it. "I thought you might screw up Frohman, so I brought my own things in my hat." Dark Link pulled a sniper rifle out of his hat. "Ah, here we go." said Dark Link "This should do the trick." "How the heck did you manage to fit a sniper rifle into your hat?" asked Frohman "It's a magic hat or something. How should I know?" Dark Link lifted his sniper rifle and opened fire on the nazis. |
Master Looter  Posts: 1204 Joined: 26 Dec 2008  | Meanwhile in the outskirts of time and space "ROOOOOOOAAAAAAARRRRRRR! What is the meaning of this!" The big Time Dragon bellowed. "Pioneers, Nazi's and random time-splitting in the 17th century. Someone down there is screwing with the timezone. It's giving me a major headache." A random generic minion dragon scurried to his side. "It seems to be a group of oddballs on an adventure." "Grrr. Well if they don't stop screwing with the past I'll have to come down there and teach them a lesson." "Uhhh. Not to be out of place but you do realize when you leave this place your time and space manipulation powers are still diminished right. *Sigh*"YES. I still know that. But in the meantime while I am still here. Lets see them deal with this." The Time Dragon raised his tail and pressed a mystical button that appeared from nowhere. The stars around them began to pull together until a midsized dragon was formed. He looked towards the Time Dragon who pointed at the video of the adventurers fighting and the dragon flew into a portal and was on his way. Stay Frosty! |
Master Looter Posts: 2248 Joined: 15 Apr 2009 | "Nazis and my favorite period of mortal history? The only thing that could make this better is a giant robot to fight." said Alucard. "Sieg Heil!" yelled a Nazi in a robot suit, hopping out of a space-time anomaly. "Aw, shit, this isn't WWII! I went back too far!" "Now the only thing that could make this better is if The Beatles were doing the background theme." The Beatles, still young, alive and from the 60s. Again, space-time anomaly. "Na, na, na, na-na-na- Hey! This isn't the concert!" |
Power Leveler Posts: 4606 Joined: 12 Feb 2009 |
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Meanwhile...
After a quick checkup from a doctor, Phil signed his papers and was released from the hospital.
Monday Morning, 5 AM. Phil's Alarm clock jerks him out of a sound sleep. He checks his surroundings. Instead of being in some grassy field, he's in bed, in his house, mother still sleep in her room. He sighs disappointingly, knowing that the adventures he experienced were only a coma-induced dream.
As he began his morning rituals, he tried to see if he could conjure some of The Fallen's power. With no such luck, he goes down to the kitchen, and grabs a bowl of cereal, while turning on the TV. The morning news greets him. It's talking about the crash Phil's bus was in, also stating how he was the only survivor. While grief stricken at the announcement of the memorial of the crash, he was slightly filled with gratefulness, knowing that it wasn't yet his time to go.
7:35 came quicker than usual, a time when his bus would come, but not today.
"Well, time waits for no one, not even a kid whose been in a coma for more than a month." he said to himself.
He turned on his Ipod, grabbed his bookbag, and started his trek towards school.
He may not have knew this, but there was a reason why he wasn't to die in that wreck. Not yet, at least. His destiny has not been fulfilled. But today will be his day of reckoning.